Playing Australian Roulette with Miranda Kerr

24th Feb
Well its been a while since the last blog but we have been pretty busy with the job hunting, interviews and the occasional early morning – our first early morning in nearly 5 months! After the last blog we spent the rest of the week attending interviews somewhat sporadically, meeting our recruitment consultants before or after for coffees and preparing for the interviews the night before and ironing shirts and the like. Oh how nice it was to be ironing again. Its weird what you take for granted when you don't work for so long. Things like setting alarms, ironing shirts, when to get up to be somewhere in time, what to have for breakfast etc., just things we hadn't even thought of in nearly half a year.

After a busy week running around office blocks in the centre of town, we wanted to let our hair down and really hit the town on Friday night. At this point Linds had successfully secured a job offer and was keen to accept, so we had reason to celebrate as well. On one of our previous walks around Melbourne we spotted some really nice restaurants and bars running along the side of the Yarra River, definitely one of the nicer areas of the city – we headed here and casually mooched along each restaurant scanning the menus from the outside.

We agreed on the way out that we both wanted to annihilate a steak for tea, so eventually we found a seafood restaurant that had a steak section that looked good enough for us. This was uber fancy, with a maître dee welcoming us before passing us to another fully suited waiter who showed us to our table. However, the waiter showed us to the worst table in the place, practically backing out into a busy walkway of a shopping centre. We noticed a family sat at the table next to us, and as we got comfy at our table the screaming began. A very shrill, excitable scream. It was a small baby finding its voice. A waiter approached to give us our menus, and the poor mum trying to control the baby apologised to him “for the mess”. We looked around the realised the baby had discarded what looked like most of its dinner all over the floor, and its own face. This was not what we were after for our big Friday night dinner, so one look at each other and we knew what was coming next. We quickly backed out of the restaurant and disappeared into the walkway, without another word, in search of another steak-house. Anything was better than dodging airborne baby food all night. We had a laugh on the way out, wondering what the waiter made of his couple at the table at the back of the restaurant who possibly spontaneously combusted.

We headed into the next restaurant that had the word 'steak' on the menu, at this point getting extremely hungry. It turned out to be a first class restaurant, really good service and the food was superb. We had two carafs of wine to wash it all down, staying for coffees at the end to prolong the evening. Heading out into the warm Melbourne night, and plenty of red wine later, we discussed what to do next as we wanted to stay out a bit longer. We tried to remember what was listed in our Australia Lonely Planet book, and we recalled under the title 'Cheesiest Tourist Trap' was the Crown Casino. We had the seen the Casino occasionally on the news, as it normally held awards ceremonies and sports evenings for the sports teams based here. Now myself and Lindsay had played in Casinos all over the world – Egypt, Prague, Portugal, Antigua and the UK. That's 3 different continents, and so we decided to add a 4th continent to the list.

We thought the Casino would be the same as our previous conquests, small intimate affairs with a few tables and occasional tourists chasing their losses or dreaming big. But the Crown was completely different in every way – this was over about an acre, easily holding about 1,000 people, with tables and bandits as far as you could see. This was on a Vegas kind of level. There was a cinema, several restaurants, a nightclub, the biggest screen you have ever seen with about 20 bookies running live bets under it, god knows how many bars, and all ticking over nicely 24-7. There was no fee to get in, no passport or ID checks, and so we walked around wide-eyed taking everything in before deciding even where to start. We were approached by a steward who gave us a members card that came with a free $5 bet, and said the cheaper tables were up on the 2nd floor. 2nd floor?! Yes, he said, this place had 3 floors...we couldn't believe it could be any bigger.

We found the huge escalators around the corner that was hiding yet more bars, a huge food court with several restaurants and god knows what else. Heading up to the 2nd floor it was more of the same, with pokies and tables stretching for miles. We decided to have a crafty loosener to take it all in, hitting the bar and generally thinking about what part of the Casino to attack first. We ended up sinking a few pints and I think I can recall getting a Long Island Iced Tea from the huge cocktail list. Even the bars were massive, had no queues and were reasonably priced – this was getting better and better. Once we were half tanked, we made our way around the floor and decided first to tackle the big computerised roulette tables – this is basically a roulette table with a dealer in the middle, with about 20 computers around it and you punch in your choice onto the touch screen and slide your dollars into the slot. Before we knew it we were about $50 up each, and buzzing.

And the trend continued pretty well, both of us making a few quid and generally having an ace laugh. We knew our calling was always going to be a Blackjack table, and we headed over to the $2.50 minimum bet tables and sat down next to 2 lads who were betting big. We got the dealer to bring over our drinks, buying the lads at the table a few pints as well and so we were all best mates within minutes. We had a good laugh at the Blackjack table, but as usual, the money was depleted pretty quickly – and when you bet $2.50 you don't win much either. In a perfectly English fashion, we wanted another drink before the last one was finished...but no, you weren't allowed a drink before the last one was finished. This obviously led to plenty of banter between us, the dealer and the scary looking female pit-boss, who I think I called a 'lesbian' under my breath. The dealer was good humoured though and took the abuse and the banter directed his way with good grace, and gladly took our money from us. Every time the dealer lost though, we would all cheer and wave at him and tell him to go home, which I'm sure he loved.

As our money was slowly running out, we were drawn back to the Roulette table that was so kind to us before. And at our 2nd visit, it didn't disappoint. Again, we were both up in next to no time, gladly taking our slips to the cash counter and re-filling our wallets with large notes. I think it was at this point that we were well and truly wasted, finding everything hilarious and just having a mint night. Lindsay recalls playing the game 'Poo', I however, do not. The game 'Poo' involves one person shouting “poo” as loud as they dare in a crowded social situation, and then the next person has to shout “poo” louder than the last, until one bottles it, or cannot beat the previous decibelage. Aah the joys of alcohol. Lindsay claims we played this in the Casino, but like I said, this memory escapes me at this present time. I think the Lonely Planet guide was right in its description in the end haha.

Finishing off our gambling experience for the night, we wanted to head over to the nightclub we had passed in the complex before. Before I go on, I should probably explain who Miranda Kerr is. Miranda Kerr is an Australian supermodel who is a big deal over here at the moment, and around the world. She's on the cover of every Oz magazine, on every channel and every advert on TV. Anyway, back to the nightclub. We walked over to the entrance to the club, and there was a bit of a queue. But the bouncer at the door wasn't letting anyone in. He said it was too late – eh? What time was it? Oh my god, it was nearly 5am! We had stayed in the nightclub all night and hadn't even noticed – the sign of a good time. Anyway, we tried to barter with the bouncer to let us in. This basically consisted of me shouting “She's Miranda Kerr!” and pointing wildly at Linds. When this didn't work, I repeatedly shouted “I'm Miranda Kerr! - I'm Miranda Kerr!”. Funnily enough, this approach didn't work.

We gave up and left the Casino, down in cash but well worth it after all the laughs and good times we had had. We stumbled to a Maccies and forced some burgers down us, before heading back to the flat. For some reason when we got in, I thought it would be a good idea to take the washing out of the washing machine a hang it up, even though I could barely see, or stand. We woke the following morning face down on the bed and half-dressed, and obviously agreed that we would do next to nothing all day, beside take some pain killers and watch TV.

Sunday was spent chilling out and preparing for this week's interviews, and once again, ironing shirts in preparation for answering questions from what could be potentially be our new managers. Linds continued her celebrations in finding new employment by forking out for a Wii console and the Guitar Hero game. Watch out James and Hayley, we will be battling you guys for the Guitar Hero crown in no time.

Today I had a final interview of my own, and so should be back in full-time employment in no time. Linds and myself are really not looking forward to this at all, after spending every day for the past 5 months off work, and also with each other – but money needs to be made, as it can't be won in Casinos all of the time. That's if they let us back in anyway.

P n L xxx